Managing Your Corporate Persona
Yearning for a Fresh Start?
Back in high school, did you ever wish you could reinvent yourself? Did you ever wish you could discard your old persona, clear your record and become a better, more appealing person?
Of course you did. And you probably even tried. But you weren’t successful, were you? That’s because high school isn’t a place where past transgressions and humiliations are forgotten.
But there’s good news for yuppies! Unlike high school, corporate America allows you to reinvent yourself any day you please. That’s because American corporations famously have no institutional memory. If you strut into the office at 9am with a fresh new persona, your coworkers will have forgetten about old persona (and associated failures) by EOD.
Reinventing Yourself Is Criminally Easy
Reinventing yourself might sound like a real chore, entailing rigorous introspection and reevaluation of your values/goals — but it’s actually quite easy. Essentially, it’s just an exercise in branding. It’s about taking what you already have and tricking people into thinking it’s something else, something better. And it’s practically as easy as renaming a deadly roller-coaster the Safety Express. It only takes a quick paint job.
Dare to Become a Premium Brand
Of course, the roller-coaster example shows branding in the most basic sense. Branding can be much more audacious, nuanced and (it’s true) sexy. So why settle for a slapdash paint job when you can establish yourself as a premium brand? Yes, you can become a premium brand, one which commands respect, interest, awe, desire.
The best brands differentiate themselves in meaningful ways. Accordingly, you should develop affectations related to your newly chosen key attributes. For example, if you want to be known as a despot, wear shirts with militaristic epaulets. If you want to be known as someone who “shoots from the hip,” give people the shooter whenever you see them (and if you really want to send a message, aim for the head). If you want to be known as a dominant figure, wear dominant fragrances and leather. There’s no reason to be subtle.
Two Core Values
But regardless of how you choose to differentiate yourself, make sure any and every persona you adopt incorporates two key attributes: success and prestige. This will make people think you are more entitled to advancement than you might actually be. Not convinced? Consider Stella Artois. It’s an atrocious beverage (somewhere between Milwaukee’s Best and Country Club on the taste spectrum), but because of effective branding, people are willing to overpay for the swill. And they can’t even tell the difference when they drink it.
People believe whatever they’re told, as long as these things are expounded with an air of authority. Use this to your advantage.
Reinvent Radically, Reinvent Often
Further, you should reinvent yourself radically and often (provided you maintain that air of success and prestige). Be a despot one day, a friendo the next. Be a stickler for details on Monday, a “big picture” person on Tuesday. Be data-driven one day, then show up the next day with a beret and rose-tinted glasses. Contrary to popular myth, no one respects predictability in the workplace. In fact, your coworkers will come to revere your mercurialness — especially once you demonstrate how it can provide a tactical advantage in propelling one’s career. To paraphrase The Art of War, confuse your enemy with unpredictable shenanigans and shank him while he’s scratching his head. You’ll surpass the competition in no time flat. (In a forthcoming entry, I shall impress upon the reader the advantages of misappropriating ancient Asian wisdom.)
Consider this quote from the most avid shapeshifter of the 20th century: “I’m just a mortal with the potential of a superman.” That gem of wisdom comes from David Bowie — a personal hero of mine. And that’s what constant rebranding allows: for you to unlock superhuman potential.
And if you play the game as well as Bowie, you’ll not only end up wildly rich and famous, you’ll have a species of spider named after you. Few honors are greater.
